No one dared to ask, "Why?" -- that's too rude or personal a question to pose.

Eventually, I started to come off the just-engaged high and the annoying questions began to subside, and I finally had a question of my own: How?

How are Jack and I going to pull this thing off? How are we going to make a lifetime commitment that so many others cannot make work? How am I going to devote my life completely to another person?

Luckily, my not-quite-fearless fiance had the same questions. And after we worked through our first flashes of freaking out individually, we found a way to trudge through the tough questions together.

There is a book for every topic you could ever worry about, especially in the relationship department. I usually pass on self-help books because, like every issue of Cosmopolitan, the info is never that new.

This time around, a little book called "The Hard Questions: 100 Essential Questions To Ask Before You Say 'I Do'" was too difficult to skip.

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I caught Oprah promoting it and figured if I'm ever going to be justified in buying it, now is the time.

So after a short trip to a special bookstore section, I found the 100-page book by Susan Piver.

Like me, Piver faced a crisis when her partner proposed, as she held on tightly to assumptions about how marriage holds a person back and locks her into expectations that are not her own.

For most of my life, marriage has been the virtual "end" for me in many ways. Single life isn't exactly grand, but it's my life, and that life is quickly changing as I struggle to adjust.

I'm not ready to share a bank account, I'm not ready to live with another person, but I'm facing all of these possibilities.

I have no doubts about wanting to marry Jack, so the time has come to make sure we cover as many details as that commitment may involve. I have read that the engagement time is a trial period, and the trial is now in session.

So Jack and I hit the beach with the new book in tow. I knew we would have time to talk and take relaxing breaks if necessary.

As we sat down in the sand sipping on cocktails (in case the sound of the waves wasn't calming enough), we took on the first few questions, about our dream house and living arrangements.

Sure, he thinks I should make the meals because I'm a better cook, but that doesn't sound like a plan unless, "Me, dear," is always his answer to, "Who cleans up afterwards?"

Everything was going well as far as decorating our Xanadu, and then I flipped to the dreaded chapter, "Money."

I felt prepared going into this one, but then came the tiresome comments about my "foolish" student loans and unwise spending habits. But after I listened -- like the book required -- I took my turn explaining my sound money sense and question his tendency to hold onto his Benjamins.

"Is there an amount ($50, $500, $5,000) over which we need to discuss a purchase before committing to it?" the book asked.

He said $50 without hesitation, and I offered to compromise at $200, depending on how much I like the outfit.

After money was taken care of, at least hypothetically, we tried out some "Sex." I was certain this chapter would be an interesting one, until I read the question: "What if one of us is attracted to someone else? Superficially? Deeply?"

I didn't want to think about it, superficially or deeply, but I did, along with many other issues that couples probably should discuss but are either too scared or too negligent to examine.

Despite the awkward silences and confusing responses, Jack and I were talking, and that is the most important effect of any book -- stimulating thought and communication.

How can you not talk with questions covering all the bases:

• Am I comfortable giving and receiving lust?
• How will we instill discipline in our child?
• When, if ever, do we want to retire?

Jack and I may not know what we're doing, but we're willing to talk about it and take on the hard -- and even easy -- questions as we grow together.

He and I did pretty well with "Will you marry me?" so we're already off to a good start.

Laura Lewis is an adventurous 20-something who knows how to make the most of being single. Her column appears every other Thursday.