A few friends of mine have recently been having difficulty sharing the expenses of a relationship. There is Elle, whose guy was supposed to split a hotel room when they spent the night out of town. The check is in the mail, or more likely not even signed.

And then there is my friend Frank, who is learning about his bride-to-be much better than he expected as they plan their wedding. As his bank account gets stretched and the pressure to throw a great wedding mounts, money really starts to matter as far as the relationship (and her happiness) are concerned.

Whoever said love doesn't cost a thing never dated a cheap person.

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Relationships aren't about fairness, but when it comes down to it, a couple can't avoid the important and often troublesome role money can play, especially when one person is constantly footing the bill.

Now, don't start thinking I'm a material girl. I have dated rich guys and not-so-rich guys, and it never makes a difference to me.

Sure, the rich man may have more corporate connections, but the poor man may also have his own way of getting us tickets to a must-see event or, more importantly, just be a better boyfriend all around.

I only had to spend some time with Jake in college -- the guy who always said, "Why don't we just use your credit card?" when the beer tab came -- to learn that balance is essential in covering relationship costs. If I'm going to pay this time, he can pay the next or reciprocate in some other way down the road.

Not so long ago, I dated a guy who never had to worry about money; it was just always in his bank account, thanks to his parents. I didn't care about his money, but I lost interest in him as a suitor after he laughed when I told him I was looking for a second job to help with my bills. "Why would you do that?" he scoffed.

That experience helped me learn that it doesn't matter how much he has or how much I don't have, it matters that we have a similar appreciation of money.

The rich guy didn't value money the way I did because he never worked for it. I don't fault him for being born into wealth, but I fault him for not understanding that I had to work harder for it.

While my boyfriend's and my money habits don't have to be the same, it helps. It's hard for me to be a spender when I'm dating a saver.

Who wants to come home from a shopping trip only to be asked how the money was spent? And I'm sure it's just as difficult to watch money be "wasted" if he places a premium on saving.

However, my fondness for impulsive shopping can be mitigated by his more practical ways, as is often the case. I won't listen to someone telling me how to spend -- or, more likely, not spend my money, but I appreciate sound advice from someone who has a more fruitful savings plan than I do ... meaning any savings plan.

And I'm not going to be shy about offering my own opinion, especially to a guy who won't replace a hole-filled couch but will replace the motorcycle he never rides.

Regardless of how my boyfriend spends his money, at this point in my life, taking care of myself remains my main concern. I'm nowhere near joint checking account status, and I'm not really looking forward to it either. I'll share, but I like knowing my finances are my problem.

And while I crave a guy who's successful, money isn't the measure. It really comes down to taking care of himself and being generous.

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The guy I'm seeing now doesn't spend a lot of money on himself, but when it comes to buying me a present or taking me out to dinner, he doesn't hold back.

And I return the favor as often as I can. I'm a big fan of giving surprise presents, which is my way of contributing when I don't have the cash to split the bill.

As the check comes to the table and we decide who's going to pay this time, I realize that it's all about taking turns, communicating about what I can afford and living within my means.

If I want to do something I can't afford, it's not his responsibility to pay. His money isn't necessarily mine, and neither is mine his.

As long as I take care of myself, I can't complain about where someone else's money goes.

But I also won't protest when he treats me more often than I treat him. If he thinks I'm worth it, he's probably right.

Laura Lewis is an adventurous 20-something who knows how to make the most of being single. Her column appears every other Thursday.