That's not to say I don't recommend pleasing your significant other. I just happen to think you should make yourself happy first.

In one of her songs, Madonna says, "Poor is the man whose pleasure depends on the permission of another." Even if she's talking about something more devious than my purposes require, that line has always stuck with me.

Pleasure, no matter if it's physical or emotional, is up to me and me alone. Sure, a guy can help in the process, but ultimately my happiness is all me.

That's a pretty obvious concept, but it's actually taken me some time to get the hang of it.

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Part of the problem is that I started dating young and learned early to depend on someone else for my pleasure, in a way. Even now, I find myself relying too much on my boyfriend for my good times and putting pressure on him when things don't go as planned.

In many cases, focusing on a relationship seems to offer happiness by helping distract me from real problems.

It's not that I'm not satisfied on my own; I am. But it's really easy to look outside for happiness when you know it's available.

And when I look at my dating history and see that I've spent most of my time attached to someone else, I wonder if I'm dependent on romantic love for a sense of fulfillment.

That's a scary thought for me, because I like to do my own thing. The pressure of thinking for two often seems unnecessary and overwhelming. And yet, I do it again and again.

But as I continue to find myself paired off and talk to others stuck in the dating world, I realize I'm not that different in my desire to be with someone.

Love is that "something more" that I and many others strive for. Those silly love longs wouldn't be so popular if so many of us weren't all searching for that same goal.

Even my friends who haven't dated as consistently as I have are constantly looking for someone. Maybe it's the idea of getting older and the societal pressure to find a mate. For many of us, it's just natural to want to pair up.

Yet whenever someone accuses me of "always having a boyfriend," I become defensive and feel the need to justify my love, so to speak.

I like to date. What's wrong with that? And there was that year or two after college when I didn't have someone serious. Doesn't that count for independence?

There seems to be this theory that people who date a lot are needy. While I see the point, I honestly like companionship and don't waste too much time with someone who isn't worth it.

Sure, it is better to be alone than with someone wrong, but I can date and maintain a sense of self. Others may beg to differ, but they can write about it in their own columns.

Still, no matter how I feel the need to defend myself, I see no point of abstaining just to prove I can be alone.

And yet, that time when I was alone -- so very alone -- I was miserable. I was constantly looking for something, someone, something more to fill my life. When really it should have just been about me digging on me.

While no relationship can truly fulfill any void you or I might feel, a relationship that works does often bring happiness. By complementing each other, working together through life, it's hard not to believe that two really is better than one.

Still, the question remains: Do I need to date to be happy? I don't believe so, but I'm not going to worry about it or give up on my current relationship to test a theory.

What I'm focused on is pleasing myself first, within and without a relationship. Because once I perfect that, everything else falls into place.

Now it's time for a new e-mail to my friends. This one will be "How To Make Yourself Happy." Somehow I think my friends -- and more importantly, I -- will get much more out of it.

Laura Lewis is an adventurous 20-something who knows how to make the most of being single. Her column appears every other Thursday.