At least, that's what he thinks. I often beg to differ, and that is why we fight; or shall I say, disagree strongly.

It's not to say I'm always right, but the struggle to be more right is the makings of any solid lovers' quarrel.

Most recently, we came to (figurative) blows over a work situation that was troubling me and how I handled -- in his words, mishandled -- it. I felt good about my actions, and yet I had to hear him say, "Why did you do it that way? I wouldn't have done it that way."

And when I protested, I only got the, "I'm just looking out for you" line that comes off as condescending, rather than caring.

Sometimes we're just tired and there is really nothing to fight about, and stupid comments are said to incite the other person.

I recall a phone conversation in which we were both being testy and he tried to escape by saying, "We're oil and water tonight. I'm going to go." To which I replied, "You're the oil."

Always good to get in the last dig, right?

I hate to admit it because it's really immature, but sometimes I find myself picking fights for no good reason other than I'm bored, frustrated, or stressed about something else, and he's the one who is willing to take it, at least for a time.

It may be something as silly as him eating dinner when he was supposed to eat with me, or him being too tired to hang out when we already made plans.

Disappointed, I feel compelled to bring up a controversial topic that will get him started and keep him up a little longer. I couldn't care less about politics, but at that moment I am the most conservative opponent to one of his "ridiculous" liberal causes.

I admit this fighting thing is fairly new for me, and I never said I was good at it.

I used to be proud of the fact that my boyfriends and I never fought. I thought it was an accomplishment to have combat-free relationships. Yet fight-free doesn't mean tension-free.

The more someone like me tries to avoid conflict, the more likely it is that I tackle disagreements with the tool mother taught me: passive aggression.

I get hurt and then I shut off.

Part of me wants him to read my mind, and fix it without me having to do any work. If he sees me pouting, he should know what's wrong. (Mind you, I hate when this is done to me.)

But largely, and this may be due to inexperience, I feel the pressure to keep it inside, to not make a big deal out of it immediately and try to process it on my own. That's when you'll hear me say "Fine," repeatedly when asked how I'm doing.

You see, there is the thought that if I keep it to myself, I'm being cool about it. "Look at her, she takes everything in stride." When really, inside I'm upset about something that I don't want to upset me, but does nonetheless.

So I let him "talk to the hand," offering a cold shoulder, which only makes matters worse in the long run. By the time we get it out there, there is more to fight about, when there was no need to butt heads to begin with.

All is not lost though. With each disagreement we overcome, there is a bit of learning. He now knows that I tend to be passive aggressive and I know that he, like others I have known, wants to be alone when he's angry.

So to make two incompatible styles work, he presses me when I clam up, and I refuse to leave when he tries to kick me out the door. Sure, we may get on each other's nerves, but I'm not about to let the conflict bubble up, and neither is he.

My newlywed friend Kristin and her husband are going through the same relationship growing pains. They have fights despite the feeling that their honeymoon is never going to end.

Being stubborn individuals, they aren't often willing to bend to the other's liking. They may be in love, but they still have to work at learning each other's argument styles, sticking through the bad as much as the good.

At times, it seems like there is no hope for the relationship during a heated exchange. I admit he has suggested I leave, saying, "That's it," instead of "See you tomorrow."

Regardless of the drama of those moments, a good night's sleep and a good talk the next day puts things back in order.

While part of me still cringes at the glimpse of a potential fight, I am learning to speak up in order to avoid a bigger conflict.

Before breaking up the relationship, I'm working on breaking up the fight.

Though I'm still not a prize fighter, I'm getting there with a little help from my sparring partner, who often does the right thing and lets me win.

Laura Lewis is an adventurous 20-something who knows how to make the most of being single. Her column appears every other Thursday.