Dear Double Take,
I have been with my boyfriend for more than three years, and we have just recently moved in together. Between the two of us, we have five children. When we originally told the kids about us all moving in together, they were thrilled and couldn't wait.
Now that we have been there for a few months, things are much different. The kids are always fighting and telling lies to get each other in trouble. Basically they are trying to get us to split up so me and my children will move out. Very hateful things are said and done between the kids. They are all very close in age; the oldest is 13, and the youngest are both 8 with two in the middle.
I am at a loss as to what to do with this huge problem. I am so unhappy right now. I hate coming home because I either have to try and sort issues out between the kids or I am fighting with my boyfriend and defending one of my kids when I know they were not in the wrong. We are fighting three to five times a week.
I regret moving in at this time of my life. I really thought things were going to be great and we were all going to make this happen for the good. I am at a point of throwing in the towel and giving up. I know that would basically be letting the kids win, but the energy isn't there anymore to deal with on a daily basis. Any ideas of how to handle this problem?

ALANA SAYS:

This sounds like "The Parent Trap" gone horribly wrong. In that case, the kids also won, but the ending was much happier.

Your kids are at an age where they'd be fighting even if they were getting along, so to speak. Their wars can probably be remedied if you're willing to put the energy into it. But first you have to decide if that's what you really want.

It sounds like you and your boyfriend aren't on the same page here. If you want to make this arrangement work, the first thing you have to do is come up with a strategy together and agree not to show favoritism to either set of kids. You also need to promise not to turn on each other. If you're unable to come together on this issue, it won't ever work -- and you might as well throw in that towel.

But if you are able to team up, let the kids know you two are united and their game isn't going to work. Next, tackle one issue at a time. First of all, make sure all the kids have a little personal space. If there are constant wars between two particular kids, come up with a solution for just that problem first -- a realistic punishment for them both when they're fighting, or rewards for getting along.

It isn't going to be easy, but if you and your boyfriend commit to handling the situation, the load will be lighter.

EDDIE SAYS:

I was thinking more "Brady Bunch" as the fantasy that you thought would just come true. But having one shared bathroom with two doors for six kids doesn't work anymore (and didn't really in the 1970s, either).

One great difference exists between your situation and Mike and Carol's: You're not married. I'm not necessarily saying getting married now solves your problems, but it could very well be the kids think you could be pushed apart because what you have is a temporary commitment.

And that oxymoron is intentional.

Honestly, I doubt that the little ones have a grand strategy. Kids fight with each other, teenagers are surly and new situations with ill-defined roles are going to make all the attitudes worse.

But if you're serious about staying together with your boyfriend through thick and thin, then you need to make it clear that the adults have made a decision, that's the way it's going to be and everyone needs to take a part in making sure the household stays out of misery.

Dear Double Take,
Recently, my "uncle," who has been a very close neighbor of my parents for more than 30 years, passed away after losing a battle with cancer. Now his family is selling the home, which has four bedrooms and a pool.
Because his family knows us so well, they set a purchase price way below the market value. My parents have asked my fiance and I if we would like to purchase it, along with their help in paying half of the monthly payment.
I'm all for buying the house, except my fiance is reluctant because the house is across the street from my parents. After lengthy discussions on the pros and cons, he says the pros definitely outweigh the cons. He says he's happy to be buying it, but not excited about it like I am.
We have discussed this with my parents and have made it clear to them we want our space. My fiance is in law school, and we'll be getting married next year. He says he can't be bothered with questions or arguments regarding the house.
This would only be a temporary purchase. We plan to fix it up and sell it to buy what we really want.
When he said he wasn't excited about it, I was hurt and said that maybe we shouldn't be buying it. Then he was upset that I took it the wrong way. I don't want to live across the street from my parents any more than he does, but we still need the space and we would like to start a family. He says to go through with it, but now I'm reluctant if he's not 100 percent on board.

EDDIE SAYS:

You're getting a big house at a reduced rate, but you want to back out because your fiance didn't shout yes loud enough or giggle when he contemplates the deal?

Are you sure you aren't the one looking for a way out?

I know that's a big jump from your question, but you seem shaky on things. You plan to flip the house back onto the market, but you're worried about raising kids there. It doesn't really seem like you know what you want out of this.

Regardless, it sounds like a great situation. If everyone agrees -- at least in theory -- on creating boundaries, it could be a good financial move all around and the timing is good.

I'd say you're going into a great situation and should just be thankful.

ALANA SAYS:

It's good of you to be so conscientious about your fiance's feelings -- really. It sounds like the two of you are being honest with each other, which is great.

And in that case, I'm sure you understand how he feels about this. He realizes what a great deal it is; he just wishes it weren't quite so close to your parents' place. But even he has said that isn't a show-stopper and that the two of you should go through with the purchase.

You're going to have to trust him on this one. You've expressed your concerns about whether he's agreeing just to make you happy -- and he has denied that. He's looking at the positive aspects of this situation, and you should be, too.